Whoops! I’m a day late with this daily prompt, it’s yesterday’s and it’s on the theme faraway. A warning though, this is a poem and it is NOT cheerful. I wrote it when I was having a dark moment – I suffer from depression in case some new people don’t know – and spent the night digging it out for this (and I re-wrote part of it to fit the ‘faraway’ theme). Anyway for those that hate poetry, there’s a book review coming soon :). For those that want to read on, I welcome all comments, good and bad and to be honest I’d love somebody to critically analyse my poetry like you do at school…Is there a hidden story/meaning, who knows? I’m not going to say ;).
Faraway
Faraway, across an entire ocean, you stole my heart,
Longed for this, so long I have, and now it was to start.
I smiled, we shared so much together, it was easy to see,
That I was perfect for you, and you were perfect for me.
Faraway you always were, distant, but I didn’t care,
Faraway, across an entire ocean, a life I cannot share.
How could things go so wrong? In such short time it did,
I wore a mask, I deceived you, my true pain I hid.
Maybe it’s good this distance between us, then you won’t see,
The hurt I feel when you ignore, ignore nothing but me.
Faraway you won’t see, it’s good, you won’t see me cry,
Longing for you, but you don’t for me, I just want to die.
So, is it good is it bad, or too dark for your liking? I’m open to heavy criticism…To be honest I’m not sure what to make of it myself 😮 !
Happymeerkatreviews 
I’m wondering where I’ve been for so long not to have read your poems before 😦
Is faraway describing someone whom you love and is physically close, but you feel distant because they cannot relate to your depression? I mean, so many times we feel physically close, or maybe in a crowd, but so isolated. We can love, but in a relationship can’t show the other person when we are down and out because we fear that we’ll lose them like we’ve lost others before.
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Faraway is describing multiple types of distance, I suppose it depends on you interpretation but I’ve certainly felt the way you describe. I’ve spent most of my life distant from others. It’s only through recent months of blogging I’ve opened myself up to people (with some dire consequences) but I’m learning. The result of having bad experiences is my poetry though! 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind words, comments and the follow. I really appreciate it. Take care ❤ 🙂
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Your poetry is excellent, very well written, loved reading this, please do share on poetry sites.
Sincerely
Marsha
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Thank you, I’ll look into it, never thought about it before :).
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It is a lovely poem – and sad too. I love it’s gentle rhythm.
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Thank you. I’ve really gained such confidence to write and post poetry thanks to such support here :).
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I like it very much and can understand it. I`m not a great poetry writer but I read poetry and I like this one.
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Thank you 🙂
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I enjoyed reading your poem and appreciate the way Oloriel has analyzed and appreciated it. Well done!
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Thank you :).
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First things first, I am so happy to find out you write poetry, too! It is one more thing we have in common! I know it is kinda rude to say, and forgive me, because of the nature most of poetry comes to ‘life’ in weaved verses and the darkness we dig it out from (yet at the same time, art always, even in its darkest forms, simply beckons: Love!).
I don’t think your poem needs criticism. I found it relatable,and the shortness of the piece really adds up to the suspense. I like that the lines and verses have a sort of ‘rough’ feel to it, it determines the atmosphere of the poem for me. The repetition of the ocean image I see as a representation of fear and uncertainty, but also fear before a predicted outcome. Kinda like: the deep, vast, dark ocean, stretching for miles yet at the same time we know water has fish, has corals, has seashells. I can see tones of a long distance relationship where the distance is perhaps not only physical, but a certain soul distance and yes, even distance in woes. It is hard to demand, in a way, emotional nurturing from a lover who seems to be suffering and needing nurture at the same time, only from a different ailment. I think I am going to stop now, before I bore you to death with my analysis. 🙂
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I like your analysis, thank you! 🙂 I write so much of my poetry when I’m over emotional that when I come back to it I just never know what to think, lol
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I think that is good. Maybe it is not noticeable right away, but I firmly believe it does take some weight of from our souls.
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